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⬆️ ⬆️ Do you see this quote above? ⬆️ ⬆️ It’s in response to a social media video post that one of my clients shared on her personal feed highlighting what it was like to work with me to reimagine her personal style (and her self-worth!). The video she shared is from a series I created, Up Close & Personal, where a few of my clients highlight their experience partnering with me through their personal style journey!
Anyhow, my client, Trici’a, received so many positive comments and accolades for her story, including the quote above. Now let me ask you this…do you see anything interesting about that particular comment? Well, I sure did! I immediately homed in on this statement: “I would love to do something like this, but I’m sure it’s pricey.” This literally stopped me in my tracks and the thoughts in my head went into overdrive! Why?? Because in my line of business, I literally hear and SEE this thought process that many people, especially women, go through every. single. day.
I took a moment to gather my thoughts and wrote the reply below…
You know that saying, “When you see something, say something?” Well while I don’t personally know this woman, but in that raw moment reading her message, I felt compelled to say something. To say something which would help reframe her instinctive thinking. I couldn’t just let this one go.
Seeing these words come from someone that’s probably an everyday woman just like you, me, or my client truly hurt my heart. As I said in my response to her, we should NEVER EVER associate our own worth against some dollar signs. NEVER.
But I realize this is something that’s hard to do if you’ve unknowingly been doing (or feeling) this way for years. (Warning… I’m putting on my Style Therapist hat on here! 😂). And I’m guessing in this case, she probably didn’t even realize she was doing this. She wrote what she felt and thought in that moment. And while that was her truth in that moment, her words signify that this was an inherent feeling she’s had (for who knows how long) leading up to that instance when she wrote those words on that page.
But here’s the thing…she is just ONE of the millions of women who instinctively (and unknowingly) feel this way and are negotiating their self-worth every day. Negotiating ultimately means compromise – and compromising backward is not a good thing when it comes to one’s value and self-worth. We need to stop doing this to ourselves, but how??
How to Reframe Your (Negative) Instinctive Thinking
Here are four quick tips that I’ve come up with to help you ensure that you don’t (or no longer) go down the path of negotiating your self-worth in a negative way. Changing this behavior will open up so many possibilities for you!
- Pay Attention & Check Yourself – You can’t address any roadblocks without recognizing them first. Start registering your fleeting thoughts especially as it relates to your image and self-worth. Start listening to yourself and, with love, immediately check yourself if you’re headed down the road of negatively negotiating your self-worth. If not, your instinctive thinking may lead you astray.
- Reframe How You Think About Yourself – Did you notice in my recommendation to her, I mentioned that she shouldn’t use BUT, but instead use AND when thinking about what she truly desires for herself? Essentially this is the practice of removing mental roadblocks that we carry. BUT is a roadblock – it’s another way of saying ‘no’ to yourself! I want to do ABC, but XYZ. If we say I want to do ABC and I will XYZ, what this does is position you to plan – plan ahead, plan a budget, plan some time, plan whatever you need to make it happen! Stop limiting what you can and should do for yourself.
- Ask Yourself “What If?” – I LOVE this question! I learned this question from my church priest when going through pre-marital counseling (which I highly recommend!). In the context he shared, it’s a helpful phrase to use in “productive” arguments, but I think it’s a healthy question to ask oneself when you go find yourself negotiating your self-worth. What if I…? Go ahead and say it. How does it feel? Does it feel more freeing or more empowering? Do you feel like you have options? Then good! This is how you should feel every day when it comes to your self-worth. It’s a positive question to uncover the possibilities.
- Any Investment in YOU is Priceless – This goes back to my notion that you should never equate your personal value or self-worth to a price tag. If it’s something that improves, develops, or advances you, it is worth it – and YOU are worth it. Life-changing experiences are memorable and priceless. When you know better (whatever it may be), you do better. When you’re armed with more than what you think you know (especially when it comes to your image), you’re naturally positioned for more opportunities. Furthermore, making assumptions about what an investment may look like could potentially lead to a missed opportunity. Instead, seek to understand – get all the information about what you may want to explore and then make your decision (or planning activities) from there! What do you have to lose? Absolutely nothing!
I hope my insights and tips are helpful to you. I’m extremely passionate about this message ask that you share this blog post with every woman you know.
I also would love to know whether you’ve ever found yourself negotiating your self-worth when it comes to image (or anything else)? If so, what were your fleeting thoughts and how did you deal with them? Please comment below or better yet, join the conversation in real-time with other women like you who are members of my private virtual community, The RC Style Guide® Collective!
Yours in Style,
Roxanne Carne is a recognized Personal Stylist styling women in Dallas / Fort Worth (DFW), TX, and all over the U.S. (both in-person and virtually)! Join her private virtual community for women, The RC Style Guide® Collective, or visit roxannecarne.com to discover how she can help transform your wardrobe & transform your life!
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